We'd been at the party for half-an-hour and still hadn't seen Sarah. I saw a lot of other weird shit. There were lizard people, robots, cyborgs, gaseous beings, a killer tree, some dude who had a clear skull so I could see his brain pulsing. The list went on and on. All of it was made even more surreal by the fact that all of them were in fancy dress: the men in tuxedos, the women in evening gowns.
Moving between them were servers, all human. The men wore white jackets, while the women were in long-sleeved button up shirts and black pencil skirts. They were all remarkably good looking people. When some of them got close I noticed they were glassy-eyed. They moved with somewhat robotic motions. I took a drink off a tray from one woman. She seemed only to come alive when I thanked her.
"You're very welcome, sir," she replied, smiling brightly and fluttering her eyes.
The moment our interaction ended she returned to having a thousand yard stare. I chuckled, yep, they were robots. Very well made, but not quite perfect. I asked Beth how much a robot like that cost.
"Don't be silly. They're not robots. They're mind-controlled sex slaves."
I choked on my rum and coke, spitting most of it back into the glass.
"What?!" I asked, between coughs.
"Madame Malfeasance is one of the biggest pimps in town. Look at the neck a' the next server to come by. They're all wearing gold chains as a symbol of her ownership. Though I don't think all of 'em are mind-controlled. The ones that aren't are just very well trained."
Sex slaves. That explained why they all had movie star good looks. After that I was hesitant to take any more drinks or finger food from them. Something about the whole experience made me feel dirty. For the rest of the night I got drinks from one of the stations where the bartender seemed to be normal. He did have a thin gold chain around his throat, but he interacted more, telling jokes, which made me think he wasn't one of the mind-controlled ones.
I didn't meet Sarah until later, but I did meet Beth's other best friend in a way none of us could foresee. I was turning to get another drink when I walked into her. I had been distracted by the sight of a bipedal unicorn who had a serrated sword instead of a horn so I wasn't watching where I was going. At eight-feet-tall, her chest was right in my face. So my first impression on her was motor boating her. If I had taken another step I would have been trapped in her cleavage.
I was mortified. And afraid. I was at a party where I could be murdered for a stray thought and I just did this. What would happen to me now?
"Oh, God, I am so, so sorry," I said as I stepped away from her.
My apology was drowned out by the sound of laughter. Beth and the woman's face were both a deep crimson by how hard they were laughing. Every time they nearly finished they'd look at me and start all over. I chuckled along playfully. I was still too embarrassed to enjoy the situation.
The couple who joined us were dressed in their finery. The woman had a tight-fitting, light pink dress with a plunging neckline I had been intimately introduced to. She wore high-heels she didn’t need which made her tower over everyone even more. Her blonde hair was tied up in an intricate hairdo. The man wore a black suit with a white dress shirt, not a tuxedo like everyone else. He didn't even have on a tie, electing to leave the top button unbuttoned and open.
"So, how'd you like my girlfriend's tits?" he asked, smiling.
"I am, God, I feel stupid. What I mean is..."
"I'm fucking with you. Don't worry about it. So, you're Beth's new boy toy she's been telling us about?"
"Yeah, I'm Luke," I stuck out my hand and he shook it.
"Nice to meet you. Seriously, don't worry about Dana. She doesn't mind. If she gets enough drinks in her she'll probably be the one feeling you up later."
"That sounds...?," I was at a loss for words, "I was just on my way to get a new drink. Want one?"
He held up his beer bottle to the light and swirled around what little was left.
"Yeah. Looks like I could use another. Don't worry about the girls. They'll catch one of the servers and get their champagne from them."
When I returned from the bar I saw that he was right. Beth and Dana had gotten the attention of a server. In fact, they had taken the entire tray of champagne and placed it on the table. Dana already had two empty flutes in front of her. The server was flustered and a little scared as she tried to retrieve her tray. She hovered around, looking to dart in and take it back. The girls kept waving her off.
I settled in next to Beth. I was a little uncomfortable with their treatment of the serving girl. My eyes kept flicking to her. She looked nearly about to burst into tears from being unable to get her tray back. The girls didn't seem to care.
Dana's date didn't take the open spot at the table like I expected him to. Instead he came around to our side and stood between me and Dana. I thought he was jealous, that maybe I would make a move on her. Which was weird considering how far I'd already gone with her. And we weren't hurting for room. The hall we were in was so large my apartment building could fit inside of it.
"Don't mind him," Dana said, "he's just paranoid. Doesn't like having his back exposed. He's always cuddling up to walls."
The man shrugged, not really caring what was said.
"It's a good idea. Wild Bill was shot in the back," Beth said.
"You always bring up Wild Bill. Don't validate his paranoia."
"Besides, who would shoot him in the back in a room full of super villains?" I asked.
That cracked them up, though I didn't know why. I thought it was a legitimate question.
"Oh, sorry, being rude. Luke, this is my bestest friend, Dana Devastation and her husband, Blood Shadow. Guys, this is my boyfriend Luke."
I shook Dana's hand, having already introduced myself to Blood Shadow. She managed not to crush my hand into a pulp with her obvious super-strength. I didn't know what her husband's deal was. With a name like that I wasn't sure I wanted to ask.
The girls finally finished the champagne on their tray and allowed the girl to take it away. Dana got the attention of another server almost immediately, this one a male with the glassy look, and took his tray. After two attempts to retrieve it he stood there motionless, staring at nothing. I thought it was creepy so I had Beth order him to turn away from us. It looked like we had a bodyguard in front of us, making sure we were safe from the other villains.
We drank, we talked, Dana commandeered a tray of hors d'oeuvres when another server wandered too close. So our collection of bodyguards grew by one. The girls went into a frenzy of chatter, talking about women I'd never met before, leaving me to talk with Blood Shadow. I wasn't the biggest baseball fan on the planet, but he was. He talked endlessly about how great the Paradiso Piranhas were doing. He told me that last year they would have won their division if someone hadn't paid him to assassinate their star hitter.
Beth and Dana's friend Sarah eventually showed up. She was a tall (though not nearly as tall as Dana) leggy redhead in a matching dress. She had her hair done up in a French twist. Unlike everyone else she had a scarf wrapped around her entire face, leaving only her eyes visible. I couldn't figure out why she felt the need to disguise herself in a room full of her peers. Possibly it was religious, but was weird she would cover her face then leave her hair exposed.
I got my answer when she went to take a drink. She pulled up the scarf to take a drink and I saw she had no skin on her face! Underneath was just bone. I quickly looked away and hoped nobody had noticed how much it freaked me out. The conversation faded into the background. All of it became buzzing in my head. I tried not to look at her. I concentrated on watching the bubbles slide up the side of Beth's champagne flute. She had to nudge me twice when someone said something and I hadn't responded. My monosyllabic responses didn't help.
Finally I stood up, muttered something about having to pee and walked to the bathroom as calmly as I could. Again I was coated in a layer of sweat and my mouth was dry. Suddenly all the super villains dressed in tuxedos with robot bits and tentacles sticking out didn't seem so funny. The realization that I was surrounded by the city's criminal element made my stomach lurch. This was the panic attack I'd managed to stave off earlier in the car come back with a vengeance.
I burst into the bathroom and rushed to a sink. I turned the water as cold as it would go and splashed some on my face. I took handfuls of water and gulped them down. After I shut off the sink I stood with my hands on the counter, unsure that my legs would support me. I breathed deep, held it, then released it slowly. My heart beat furiously in my chest. I concentrated on my breathing, trying to slow it down.
I was fine. I was cool. Everything passed. I wasn't going to die. I smiled at my reflection.
Then my stomach flopped again and I threw up all over the mirror. After the first burst I leaned into the sink and heaved again. It was an unpleasant black bile made from stomach acid and rum & Cokes.
Horror returned when I realized the bathroom had actual towels instead of paper towels. All I wanted to do was mop up the mess I made and throw it safely in the trash. I looked around to make sure the place wasn't so fancy that there was a bathroom attendant somewhere I'd missed in my mad dash to the sink. Thankfully I was alone.
That ended with the door opening. Public bathroom, lots of drink flowing, I didn't know why I thought I was in a safe refuge. Part of me was raging against the unfairness of having some imagined privacy violated. All I needed was five minutes to calm myself down, clean myself up, and nobody was giving me that.
It turned out to be Blood Shadow. He had a genial smile as he surveyed the scene in the bathroom. In his hands he carried a bottle of fizzy water, a shot of liquor, and his beer.
"Kind of figured this would happen. Good on you. Doesn't look like you got any on you. Here," he handed me the water, "chug this down. It'll settle your stomach."
I twisted the top off and drank a little. It felt like it would stay down so I had more. Blood Shadow was right, it did settle my stomach. He didn't say anything, only stood drinking his beer while I recovered. When I finished the water I pitched the bottle in the trash.
"Sorry about that," I said, "I didn't think I was that drunk. I really don't feel drunk."
"You're not. It would've been better if you were. It's a side-effect of being around The Fearleader..."
"Who?" I asked.
"Sarah. I imagine Black Hat forgot to tell you about her power. She emits a pheromone which causes terror in people. She can control it to a degree, but it's always there. Drink this now."
He handed me the shot. I put my hand up in refusal.
"No. I can't. I'll be sick again."
"Take it. First of a couple. It'll help."
I grabbed the glass and took a small sip. It was whiskey. I nearly spit it out. I moved to put it down, but Blood Shadow grabbed me by the wrist.
"Drink it all down."
I brought it back to my lips and downed the rest of the shot in one gulp. It churned around in my stomach. I bent over the sink in case I threw up again. Remarkably my stomach settled more. I felt more clear-headed.
"Thanks. I really needed that," I said.
"No problem. I've seen it happen a few times. Now come on. Before we go back to the table you have to take two more shots."
"Really? I feel good now."
"Believe me, you'll need at least another shot of whiskey before you're ready to be around The Fearleader again."
"Then why do I have to take two shots?"
"Because it's a fucking party!" he replied.
I ended up having three shots. When we got back to the table my head was buzzing.
"Feeling better, babe?" Beth asked.
"Much better!"
"Woo! Have some gum!"
The rest of the night was like that. We stayed at our table, drinking and chatting. There was more mixed conversation, but the bulk was still ruled by the girls talking their and Blood Shadow boring me with baseball talk. There was a dance floor so, of course, it got used. The music was considerably less rollicking than at the western bar, but still fun. There were more slow dances than I'd expected. I had a weird feeling that this was like a really fancy middle-school dance. With liquor.
I got nominated to dance with Dana when she wanted a slow dance since Blood Shadow refused. If I were him I would never refuse her, both because of her beauty and also because she could crush me like an accordion. By that point I was drunk and having fun. The height difference was still awkward. I really had no choice but to put my head in her cleavage. It was so nice, and I was so drunk, that I almost drifted off to sleep using Dana's boobs as a pillow. If I fell asleep I was sure she'd have no problem holding me up.
The next dance wasn't nearly as enjoyable. Beth made me dance with Sarah. A slow dance. I trembled as I wrapped my arms around her waist. She snuggled in close and rested her head on my shoulder. I was grateful because it meant I didn't have to look anywhere near her face.
The earlier fear returned. Blood Shadow was right, though. Getting drunk helped. A lot. If I was sober I'm sure I would've bolted off the dance floor into the night. I would've broken up with Beth to make sure I'd never be around Sarah ever again. As it was I was mostly fine. My testicles may have receded into my body, but still fine.
As we danced I started to feel bad for her. I didn't know her story, how she turned into this, but it had to be lonely. I didn't want to be around her and she wasn't actively using her power. Every day must be like that for her with other people. Strangers in her life couldn't stand to be around her. Knowing that, given the chance, supermarket checkers and cashiers and taxi drivers would run away as fast as possible from her.
She had her friends. That made me feel better. Beth, Dana and Blood Shadow treated her like normal. They willingly hung out with her; they didn't just tolerate her. Earlier in the evening Beth hadn't told me about Sarah in a way which made it sound like she was resigned to the task of hanging out with her. She looked forward to seeing her friend.
I danced with Sarah for two more songs.
I only got to meet with the birthday girl, Madame Malfeasance, briefly. Being both the host and the guest of honor meant she had to mingle. She couldn't just park at a table with her favorite people and ignore the others. I guess she could have. It was her party, her mansion. No one would make a scene because she favored one set of guests over another. But I guess that would cause trouble down the line for people who held grudges. Nobody wanted to feel slighted.
She was a slender black woman wearing a silver gown. Her hair was curled down around her shoulders. Two men attended her as bodyguards. I didn't question their presence, but I thought it was kind of weird she felt the need for protection in her own building. Despite my curiosity I held my tongue. No more stupid questions from me tonight. Later, when we were alone, I would ask Beth and get all the details about the weird stuff I'd seen.
Madame Malfeasance greeted Beth, Dana, and Sarah with great warmth. They all hugged and air-kissed. The three of them wished her a happy birthday which she accept with bare humility. They teased her about how old she was, though she only looked maybe forty, making jokes about how next year's party would have to be held in a retirement home. Dana made a lewd comment about how Madame Malfeasance would have to be careful not to crack a hip when fucking a guy named Anthony. One of the bodyguards overheard, it would be impossible not to since Dana practically shouted it, and looked embarrassed. I figured him to be Anthony. He sheepishly tugged at the collar of his shirt and I saw the glint of gold around his neck.
Beth finally got around to introducing me. I shook Madame Malfeasance's hand and wished her a happy birthday. She held onto my hand just a bit too long. I didn't like the predatory look in her glittering golden eyes. I slipped my hand out of her grip without making it look like I was jerking away. I'm sure it was nothing, just my over-active imagination processing an already weird situation.
She made a bit of small talk with me before moving on. She barely even spoke to Blood Shadow, granting him only the briefest of interactions. He wished her well. After that she left to mingle with the other guests.
I didn't remember much after that. I had a bit too much liquid courage so I could deal with Sarah. The rest of the night was a series of hazy photos in my head. More shots with Blood Shadow, some more dancing, Beth pulled me into a bathroom at one point for a quickie. I don't think I finished during that. I never asked her if I did.
Sarah ended up driving us all home. We had to cram into her Jetta. Dana sat up front with the seat pushed all the way back. That forced me, Beth and Blood Shadow to all cram in rear seat. Beth had her head hanging out the window so that if she was sick it wouldn't be all over the inside of the car. I was stuck in the middle. Blood Shadow and I were trading shots from a really expensive bottle of whiskey he stole from the party.
We got dropped off at Beth's penthouse. Dana offered to carry her up, but I told her that I didn't mind doing it. We said our good-byes, Beth slurred out 'I love you' about a dozen times, and then we stumbled into the building. The doorman took her off my shoulder while we waited for the elevator.
In her penthouse I helped her strip off her dress and remove her shoes. I put her in bed while I undressed. While I fumbled with the buttons on my dress shirt, which seemed to have grown more slippery since I put them on, Beth got up and dashed for the bathroom. I heard terrible retching noises. I gave up on trying to take off my shirt. I kicked my shoes off and struggled out of my pants.
Mostly undressed I flopped onto the bed. I stared at the ceiling as it slowly spun around.
"I think your friends are cool," I said.
Beth retched again.
