“No,” Paul said.
“What do you mean ‘no?’” Alex asked.
“I said ‘no.’ I’m not picking that up.”
Alex gestured with his handgun, “Pick it up or I’ll shoot you.”
“Go ahead.”
There was a beat of silence as Alex processed what Paul said.
“You heard me, right? That I’m going to shoot you?”
“I did. And I said ‘go ahead.’ Do it.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?! What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re insane if you think I’m going to dig my own grave.”
“Then I’ll shoot you.”
“I already said okay. You’re going to shoot me anyway, might as well not spend the rest of my life doing manual labor. Fuck you.”
“But the Boss wants you buried”
“Then he can dig the hole. I’m not doing it.”
“You know he’s not coming out here.”
“Of course not, you dipshit,” Paul said.
Alex raised the gun more, “Watch it?”
“Or what? You’ll shoot me? There’s nothing you can do to me. You’ve got no hold on me.”
“I can kill you.”
“You’re already going to do that.”
Alex considered his options, “I could shoot you in the knee. Or somewhere else that won’t kill you.”
“The result is going to be the same: I won’t pick up the shovel. I can’t exactly dig the hole if I can’t stand up because I have a bullet in my knee.”
Alex’s face went red. For a moment it looked like he would squeeze the trigger. Instead he stomped his feet like a toddler. He turned his face to the sky and swore.
“You’re always so difficult.”
“Sorry I can’t accommodate you in your effort to kill me.”
“Always have to make life harder, any suggestion you brought to a plan made it a thousand times more complicated than it had to be. Like, we’d want to do a simple smash-and-grab and you’d come up with a fucking novel worth of reasons why it was a bad idea.”
“Because doing it your way would get us arrested! For what? Some pocket change and a cheap thrill? You need guys like me to make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”
“OH! I’m the dumb one here? Because I’m the one pointing the gun at you. How smart was it to steal from the Boss?”
Paul shrugged, “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Doesn’t seem like a good idea now.”
“Got me there, Alex.”
“Could you do me a favor then?”
“What?”
“Pick up the shovel, dig the grave.”
“Nah, still not gonna’ do that. I like you, even though you’re going to kill me, and we’re friends, but it’s just not in my nature.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“No doubt about it.”
They lapsed back into that awkward silence.
“If it weren’t for the circumstances this would be a nice night,” Paul said.
“What are you on about now?”
“Just musing. About life. I always imagined it would end like this.”
“Shot to death in the woods?”
“Not exactly like this. I mean dying by a bullet. Guys like you and me? We don’t die peacefully in our sleep. We die bloody, violent.”
“I’m not dying like that,” Alex said.
“Keep telling yourself that.”
“As long as I don’t fuck up like you then I’ll be fine.”
“You’ll be lucky not to die in prison.”
“You’re a ray of sunshine.”
“You know I’m right. This life is great right up until it’s not. The Boss doesn’t care about us beyond being his muscle. We not his family, not even friends, we’re his tools; to be used until we’re broken.”
“That how you justify stealing from him?”
“I don’t have a good reason for that. I got greedy, I took the money. Figured it was enough to make it worth it, but not so much it would be noticed. That was a gamble I lost. Honestly didn’t expect Donnie to pay attention and rat me out.”
“Don’t blame him for your fuck up.”
“I’m not blaming the kid. He did what the Boss expects people to do. It was my fault for underestimating him. You brought up how I always overthink things. This one time when I didn’t? Lead me to here.”
Paul patted his pockets. Nothing. They’d taken everything from him before shoving him into the car.
“You got a smoke?” he asked.
Alex reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He tossed them to Paul who caught it with one hand. He tipped on out, lighting it with the lighter in the pack, then he underhanded it back to Alex.
“I thought for sure you were going to try something. Maybe throw it at my face to distract me then run away.”
“Thought about it, decided against it. You got the gun, I wouldn’t get far. We’ve all seen that happen enough times. I don’t want to die with a bullet in my back. If you want to kill me I’m going to be on my feet and looking you in the face.”
“Don’t do that to me.”
“Tough. If you’re gonna’ kill me then do it like a man.”
“Here you go, being difficult again.”
“You’ve shot men in a straight up fight before.”
“Yeah, I have, but not a friend.”
“That’s sweet of you,” Paul said.
“Fuck you!”
“I was being sincere.”
“Sounded like you were being an ass.”
“Didn’t mean to. Probably us busting each other’s balls for so long the sincerity comes off as sarcasm. Sorry.”
“It’s alright.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“You sure?”
“Starting not to be. Now it sounds like you’re being an ass again.”
“All I want is to be sure you’re okay with what you’re doing.”
“Of course I’m not fucking okay with it.”
“Then why are you doing it?”
“Because the Boss told me to. If I don’t do this then the next person digging their own grave is me. And I don’t want to go down that road.”
“You know it’s an inevitability.”
Alex blew out a frustrated sigh, “Going back to that? You might think the Boss is murder happy, but he rewards loyalty.”
Paul laughed, “Real rewarding. There’s no loyalty in this life.”
“You’re one to talk.”
“Better to be the one doing the fucking than the person getting fucked. You remember that time I did a while back?”
“Yeah.”
“You know how much help I had behind bars?”
“No. How much?”
Paul finished his cigarette then slammed the butt into the ground, “Fucking nothing, that’s what. No money in my canteen, no special privileges, nobody watching my back. Not at all what they said it would be like. I was there, on my own, for years. When I finally got out, no help there, neither. I had to start from scratch. You remember me crashing on your couch until we did a few jobs? That’s because I was broke. Worse than broke: in debt. I was getting treated like I was one of the losers who borrowed money and couldn’t pay it back. So, yeah, that’s stuck in my throat for a while. When I saw my chance I took it and thought I’d get out. Stupid fuckin’ dream. Just like all the other chumps in life. So, go ahead. Pull that trigger!”
Alex raised his gun and aimed at Paul’s chest. After a moment he lowered it. Just when Paul thought he had a way out, Alex raised the gun again. Instead of a shot, he lowered the gun again.
It was on the third time the gun raised up that Paul lost it, “Could you stop fucking with me and just do it already?!”
“I’m not fucking with you! I’m trying to sort shit out!”
“You could do that without waving a gun at me,.”
“Sorry! When I’m nervous I fidget.”
“That’s not exactly bringing me comfort.”
“What am I supposed to do?” Alex asked.
“You could always put the gun away.”
“I’m debating that.”
“If I get a say in your decision I vote for the ‘don’t shoot me’ option.”
“I don’t think you’re going to add anything I haven’t thought of.”
“Seeing as I’m on the business end of that gun I’m sure I have a few more reasons than you have.”
“You always think you’re so smart. Y’know, I should shoot you just for that. Maybe then you’ll be a bit more humble.”
“I’ll be dead.”
“I wouldn’t kill you. Just…wing you a little.”
“Wing me a little?”
“Like in the arm or something. Not anywhere dangerous.”
“It’s a gun, idiot, it’s always dangerous.”
“Not a good idea to call the guy with a gun an idiot.”
“I will if the guy holding the gun is saying shit like getting shot isn’t dangerous.”
“I’ve killed people before.”
“Exactly! That doesn’t speak well to your aiming ability. I don’t think you’ve gone to the range in years.”
“We’re about ten yards apart. I can wing you just fine.”
“Then do it.”
“What?” Alex said.
“You heard me: shoot.”
“Now you wanna’ be shot?”
“No!”
“Then why are you telling me to shoot you?”
“Because you’re going to do it anyway. I’m sick of waiting. It’s getting cold out here.”
“I haven’t decided if I’m going to shoot you or not.”
“You just said you were going to wing me.”
“I mean kill you. That was about shooting you. I still haven’t figured out if I’m going to kill you.”
“If you have a coin you can flip it to see what you do.”
“I’m not trusting your life to a coin flip.”
“Then make up your damn mind. Kill me or don’t. Those are the only two options.”
“But…”
“No.”
“What…?”
“No. It’s fucking binary!”
“I don’t want to kill you.”
“Then don’t!”
“I have to! Otherwise the Boss’ll send someone to kill both of us.”
“Not if we do something about it, Paul said.
They lapsed into silence. Even the woods were quiet, as if all the insects contemplated the implications of what Paul was saying. More than likely all the fauna had already fled because of the two men shouting in the forest.
“I can’t believe you’d even think that,” Alex said.
“You can’t believe me? Ever since you told me we had to take a ride I’ve been thinking about it. Hell, to be honest, I’ve been thinking about killing him for a good while. Even before I went to prison. Always took him to be a prick. I hate that I got assigned to his crew. I would’ve never thought about stealing from him if he wasn’t such an asshole. You can’t look me in the face and say you disagree.”
“I don’t, but that’s not what we do.”
“We kill people. You were sent out to kill me tonight.”
“You know…we kill people, okay. What we don’t do is kill our Boss.”
“Maybe we should.”
“Maybe?”
“Definitely! Come on, it’ll be fun.”
“I don’t know if I’d call it fun.”
“Cathartic, then. Whatever. If you’re with me then let’s get going.”
Alex chewed his bottom lip.
“Come on, man,” Paul said, “moment of truth. You either shoot me here or we go shoot the Boss.”
Finally, Alex lowered the gun then, to the relief of Paul, he re-holstered it on his belt.
“Fine. Let’s go kill him. There’s only one thing I need.”
“What?” Paul asked.
“Pick up the fucking shovel. It’s too nice to leave it out here.”
END
