"I need a creative outlet."
This has been the thought I've been having for a few weeks now. I recently started a new job. After working in a grocery store I am back in an office. I took this because it was a better opportunity. Also? Working at the store was exhausting. That word has been thrown around a lot in the past few years and I understand. With a worldwide plague that has killed millions we're all exhausted. I had that dread combined with having to unload literal tons of flour every other day. I'm not being hyperbolic; I was shifting this weight by myself and I was tired. I would come home and fall asleep after every shift. I spent nearly three years just worn out and never truly awake.
Then I got a new job. It is a normal schedule and no longer manual labor. I got what I wanted: an 0800-1630 gig that I could leave the moment I stepped out the door. It was a relief. I am back into a rhythm where I work out in the morning, work my shift, clock off, and I have enough time in the evening to have a decent meal and play video games or read (or both.) Things are comfortable. My to-be-read pile on my bedside table is embarrassing. So many comics and novels I wanted to get to and just wasn't. When I had time I would crack a few pages and then decide to go to bed.
I am happy in my new life. It has been fun. I am catching up on reading, the shows I missed, and when people invite me out for a beer I don't have to say, "Sorry, I have to go to bed at 6 because my shift is early."
Eventually, the creative itch started to hurt. My job is nice, but it's not fulfilling in a creative sense. I format, I don't write. Throughout everything, ever since I've known, and especially since I majored in Creative Writing, I've been writing. Stories, novels, all that. It's all been going on. I remember one boss commenting when I talked about "my novel" that I was pulling a "Wonder Boys" situation and I had to point out that I used that phrase to discuss whatever I was working on. I was not putting it all on one novel, I would finish one and start on the next.
But I wasn't showing anyone.
I admit to a lack of self-esteem. Putting yourself out there is rough. I also had this thing where if someone suggest something to me (a show, a book, a movie, etc.) I would resist experiencing it. I am picky with the media I consume. This translated into me not wanting to suggest my work to friends since I thought they would have the same reaction and not read it.I was writing and then moving on, no one was reading it, which is really the point.
As a digression I have to point this out: I am a tweener. By this I mean for my generation I have seen the shifts in consumption of media. I have a Bachelor's of Arts in Creative Writing. All through my education I was taught that a "true" novel was published in physical form by a legit company. To do it by yourself or throw it online was "vanity publishing" and to be shunned. That has obviously changed. People consume media in all types of ways now. One of my favorite authors, Jason Pargin, started his career by throwing his novel up online and letting people flock to it. Another favorite of mine, Drew Hayes, does a similar thing where he self-publishes through Amazon. There is no shame anymore.Eventually I would love to see my work in my own hands through a publisher, because I am a bibliophile, but it's not the barrier it once was.
So, I started this blog. I am going to be publishing my work here and letting people see it. I have tried something similar to this before and failed. This time I think it can work since I have a decent backlog of work to show. There are novels I wrote that are....not good. It would have been embarrassing to publish them here. This way I am not writing for this each week. I have work to put up I've thought on and like. I don't know if I'll catch up to where I currently am. For a bit I've got some breathing room. Each week, on a day I decide, maybe Saturdays, possibly Mondays I'll post some chapters or a random short story. People can read and do what they like. If you you enjoy it I implore you to share on social media and get my name out. If you don't like it, keep it to yourself since my ego is fragile and I can't bear to hear it.
For a bit I'll have art by Patrick Pugh as chapter headers. He did these on his own and I am pushing him to finish them. Take his Instagram a look and encourage him to draw more since he is awesome.
That is the plan. I'll see you here while I write primarily about depression or mundane people in extraordinary world. My favorite critique has been "do you always write about futility?" and, sometimes, yeah.
If you like the blog you can see me posting pictures of my kitties on Instagram or you can see me flail around on Twitter to no avail. Don't search me on Facebook. That is for people who I really know and they can see how weird I actually am. Other than this post I am basically going to let the work speak for itself on this blog. Don't expect too many personal essays. Nobody wants to hear my dumb thoughts.
